When your Teen Stops Caring about School: Listening May Be your Best (and Only) Approach
In my first few years in high school I was a terrible student. I got mostly Cs and Ds with an A or B mixed in (in pottery, badminton, and the occasional literature class). I failed pre-Algebra twice before I passed. The teacher comments on most report cards were typically ‘Disruptive in class,’ ‘Doesn’t apply […]
Pressuring Yourself to Live up to Your Potential: A Stress-Inducer with No Actual Payoff
Yesterday on my drive to Costco I made every stoplight. I didn’t hit a single red light. Maybe this is a sign that my world is too small but it was exciting enough that I told the cashier. She had her own ‘made all the lights’ story. Sometimes things come together perfectly in a moment […]
Sometimes your Best Move in Life is Admitting You Don’t Have All the Answers
Today’s video is about the idea that sometimes in life less effort on our part can lead us to more clarity and forward-motion. I saw this recently after hanging out with a close friend of mine named Elaine. Elaine had been a chronic cigarette smoker for many years, and then one day she stopped. So […]
Losing your Way: It Doesn’t Mean there’s Something Wrong with You
Today’s video highlights two clients that both felt they’d failed in life. Client #1 is 21, had been academically ‘gifted’ as a kid, then started failing classes in high school and college as school got harder. Client #2 is a therapist who “thought she had it all together” but is currently going through divorce #2. […]
Fixating on Problems: It Gives You Something to Do, but it Slows Down your Answer-Factory
Today’s video is about how common it is for people to fixate on a problem as a way to solve it. And how it doesn’t work. Fixating on problems is like pushing the elevator call button over and over again. That’s not how the system works. It’s gives people a temporary distraction from the feeling […]
Teens, Screens, and Parenting: An Opportunity to Teach Leadership and Life Skills vs Another Battle to Fight
In today’s video I talk about a topic I get asked about almost daily by my parenting and practitioner clients: teens and screens. Excessive time on screens and social media creates fears around things like brain development, social skills, addiction issues, mental health issues, and lack of friends, exercise, time spent outside and time with […]
Teenage Love from Teenage Hate: Change is Possible no matter how Young or ‘Broken’ Someone Is
My sister and I were in a movie theater restroom washing buttered popcorn off our hands a while back. On our way out she opened the door with a paper towel then threw it in a garbage can by the door. This was maybe 15 years ago. But I very specifically remember that moment because […]
Navigating Addictions:You’re Not In It Alone
My clients with addictions tell me one of the hardest parts before getting help is the feeling of isolation. They see their chronic habits can affect everything, including their relationships, finances, well-being, or their ability to manage their lives. On top of all that, they feel alienated from the people around them, even (and especially) […]
Stop Trying to Do it All: Dropping the “I’m amazing at everything” Mindset
When I was in high school I was hanging out with my friend Aaron and he said something like “You’re always so positive about things. I love that about you.” For a few short hours, I felt fantastic. It was the best feeling to have someone stop and really ‘see’ me and appreciate me. And […]
“Go crazy, then come back” Letting Go of the Stigma of Being Emotional or Losing Your Way
I created today’s video to point out how normal it is for people to get emotional, lose their bearings, or lose their way in life. I share about a teen who found out someone close to her had been lying to her, was extremely upset about it, then felt ashamed for being upset. She’d always […]