Stop Trying to Do it All: Dropping the “I’m amazing at everything” Mindset
When I was in high school I was hanging out with my friend Aaron and he said something like “You’re always so positive about things. I love that about you.”
For a few short hours, I felt fantastic. It was the best feeling to have someone stop and really ‘see’ me and appreciate me.
And then I decided to take Aaron’s very nice comment and terrorize myself with it for the next few weeks.
I started tracking how I was feeling all the time, especially at school.
Am I positive right now? I feel sort of positive but not really. I need to be positive. I’m the positive one. That’s my thing. My reputation’s at stake.
Positivity became my worth and what I offered the world. Positivity became my brand.
So when I felt judgy, annoyed, or bummed out (which happened CONSTANTLY) it suddenly felt very off-brand for me and something I had to hide or overcome.
I suddenly had a part-time job that I didn’t have the week before.
At some point in our lives, we’ve all had to let go of old ideas that don’t work for us anymore.
Fortunately, I decided within a few weeks that I couldn’t deal with trying to manage my image and positivity. My only option was to just be myself.
And if Aaron and everyone else was disappointed or didn’t like me anymore, I’d figure out how to live with it.
But quite often, people can’t let go, and the mindset prevails.
That’s a story I find many people have.
For people who are naturally good at things like school and sports, they can make up a rule in their minds that they have to be good at everything in life.
Or someone comes along and comments on it, like my friend did. It becomes a public story they feel they have to uphold.
And from that moment, they feel a constant level of stress or tension when they struggle in a new sport, in college, a new job, or a new career. A crisis gets created on top of the struggles themselves.
It can feel like life and death for the person inside that crisis.
And here’s the thing.
It has nothing to do with the comment or the ‘good at everything’ track record.
It simply has to do with our relationship to thought, and how well we understand that we all create ideas that don’t serve us. And sometimes we drag those ideas with us into the future.
We’ve all had resets at one point or another. At some point in our lives, we’ve all had to let go of old ideas that don’t work for us anymore.
The feeling of constant stress or tension is often a valuable indicator that we’re hanging onto an old idea and a reset is due.
Letting go of old ideas frees up our minds so we can bring all of our horsepower and energy to our pursuits.
Taking some time to get away and reflect, talking to a friend, a coach or a therapist can be hugely helpful in putting us on that path.
And in fact, simply realizing we’re tangled up in an old idea is enough to provide some instant relief, hope, and freedom.
That’s what today’s video is about. Click below to watch.
erika bugbee
I’m a global coach who works with teens, individuals, couples, and practitioners that are open and motivated to change.
