While it depends on how much a young adult WANTS help, overall young adults have a remarkable advantage over most adults: they learn incredibly fast. They’re sharp, intuitive, and are more open and receptive to seeing a new way of looking at life. Unlike adults, they haven’t bought into a collection of theories about how life works.

I’ve found that a majority of my young adult clients are eager to have someone listen to them, and once I establish some trust with them, are very open to looking at their struggles through a different lens. Young people, especially those that are stressed, under pressure, insecure, or acting out, are desperate for someone to listen to them, to be interested in what they’re up against, and to feel like someone gets them and cares about their struggles.

Once that’s provided to them, I consistently see a rise in young people’s level of clarity and well-being, which gives them hope, confidence in their ability to find their own way, and a fresh outlook on their lives. I haven’t met a struggling young person that doesn’t want that for themselves.

Young adults who understand life better, at an earlier age, are overall less self-destructive and have more of the things we want for them — the clarity to look ahead, think for themselves, find their own common sense. They’re more willing to get out of their comfort zone, find their resilience, and they recover from setbacks faster. Ultimately that results in a stronger, happier, and more independent young person.

One important factor is that just like adults, young people greatly vary in their openness, their readiness to change, and their ability to reflect on themselves. Adults will often realize something about themselves that their partner tried to point out decades before, but they simply weren’t ready to hear it. That’s the x-factor in personal transformation.

Yet something happens when a young person that’s struggling is in the presence of someone like me that’s respectful, that listens, and that’s 100% interested in being of service to them with no agenda. Their level of openness and accountability goes up. Their mature side comes out. To whatever degree change is possible for a young person, the environment and partnership I create with my young clients is where that change is made possible.

I have no problem with parents bribing, incentivizing, or insisting their teen meet with me for one session. That session allows them to get a feel for what I’m like, that I’m a respectful and genuine person, that I don’t judge and I have no agenda. So they know the help is there if and when they’re ready.

However, after the initial session, I require that the teens themselves be the one to initiate future sessions. Parents should only schedule sessions if and when the teen expresses the need or desire themselves, even if the teen is really struggling (which I know can be excruciating to watch).

Teens are extremely private and very easily overwhelmed and immobilized. Unlike adults, many teens would much rather suffer in privacy than have to talk to someone like me. Sometimes I’m not the kind of help they need and rather than providing relief, I become another problem they have to navigate politely.

So parents are welcome to lightly suggest they can talk with me if they’d like, but initiating sessions will hurt my rapport with them, override their wisdom and instincts to find their own way, and create undue strain and hardship without benefit. I don’t judge professionals that work with mandated clients, it’s just not something I do.

Typically 13 is the minimum age I work with, but I have worked very effectively with 12-year-olds before if they’re on the mature side.

By mature we mean if they’re able to sit and carry on a conversation on a Zoom call for a session (typically an hour, or 45 minutes if an hour’s too long for them). And they’d need to be mature enough to have some self-awareness, report on how they’re doing, and take in Erika’s thoughts and suggestions. And to want to talk with someone about themselves and get help.

Some teens (more often the boys in my experience) are not mature enough to take part in coaching sessions in a beneficial way until they’re 16-18. So sometimes it’s not so much the age as the maturity level.

Unfortunately, my approach and my programs are not suited for clients that are in an active crisis. Once the immediate crisis is over, and a client gets to a mental state where he/she is able to learn, be reflective, and engage in conversation, I can help prevent future crises and the buildup of stress and unchecked problems that leads to crises. 

If you are in crisis right now, or know someone that is, I encourage you to use the resources below right away: 

Within the United States:

Contact the Suicide and Crisis lifeline, you can call or text 988 from a cell phone    

Go to www.988lifeline.org to chat with someone live.    

Outside of the United States:

Please follow this link to find your local crisis hotline https://blog.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines/